Curiosities of a lover

 

A sort of shyness draws me in, 

The way your soul can feel,

Rhythms of the tide and waves,

And all the flowers are real. 

Perhaps it is of the leaves and limbs,

That I have missed you by, 

If I'd mistaken you for less,

Than the image that you fly.

When out of the world i live in,

You approached me from behind. 

I was surprised by the breeze, 

I didn't expect to rewind. 

Like pleasant sort of sound,

I'd like to hear again,

Something grounded my attention,

I was readier to listen. 

Somethings we try to know,

Sometimes we know to try. 

Exquisite roots of the soul, 

When something new came alive. 

Candles in the forest night,

Of every angle burning white, 

Symphonies of freedoms found, 

Cascading moments of delight.

When everything is alright. 

Household of my heart

I have a door, 

I know no more,

But that it is hard to get through.  

From what i can see,

It is somewhat me,

Somewhat the others too. 

The windows are quite quality,

Shaped by years of reciprocity,

The flowers are well fed.

The mirrors there are many

For I reflected much, like any,

And the books in the walls are read. 

The floors are green,

As if to seem,

That the glorious grass may grow.

The upstairs is tidy,

The basement is mighty, 

A serious mess of mazes.

But if you look closely, 

you'll see the beauty,

Of all the mysterious faces. 

Recipe for a sister

When God gave me a sister, 

He knew i’d need a friend

Someone who’s loyalty

Would never, ever end

Someone who’s softness 

Would inspire me to try 

To see the people around me

With more compassionate eyes

A friend to climb the stairs with

A friend to walk the mall 

Always ready and listening

For texting or a phone call 

She knows about my secrets

She knows what goes on inside

And out of all the sisters

God chose you to stand by my side.

Thirties

 Please don’t let me be solidified

Sanctified and rectified

In the cage of my age

Age is a number but also a season

The slowing of my growth is also a reason

I fear the subjective results of my body’s response

But let me never stop the bleeding of my soul

For within the flow, it makes me whole

I see clearer behind then I do ahead

Lord fall on me again afresh

Allow me with your soul to mesh

Do not allow this world deceiving

To take my life and leave me grieving

I live.

I live in the rehlm of the uncommon 

Within the company of the not forgotten

Because what you got, 

is what they’re not

When it’s all over you’ll be at the top

You’ve got the fire for a phantom dream, 

The uncommon means, 

Your eyes are on fire,

They’ve got that gleam. 

Walking those halls with your head hung low, 

Storing the fire way down below

You’re different from them, 

it was what you feared. 

But child don’t judge yourself, 

by the company of peers. 

Because what you got, 

is what they’re not, 

and when high school is all forgotten,

you’ll live in the realm of the uncommon. 

Keep the fire for that phantom dream. 

Fishing for answers

Ive never encountered such a complicated knot of questions than that about my own vulnerability.

I’m addicted to overcoming obstacles, perhaps to the point of seeking out obstacles if there are no immediate challenges to be found.

Humbleness and fear creeps in when I realize I’m not in control. Exposing past pain and vulnerable areas puts me in an unpredictable emotional position, and I do fear the consequences of letting those soft spots surface.

Grace

I see myself in the shadows 
of the things that I lack

The goals that I carry 
are things to unpack

Are they things that I can taste 
or am I grasping the wind

If I’m working my gifts
 maybe it’s a thing I can win.

If I can feel a lead 
from a passionate prayer,

I know that in pursuit of God 
it will take me there. 

The journey is never over
 so why would I stop

Finding the footsteps
 where his grace has dropped 

Still Voice

My heart is all noise of screaming and chatter,

if I could stand still as I’d quite honestly rather,

I could spread my wings high and silence the sounds, 

and think a bit between the audible rebound. 

I’m trying to live, I know what to do, 

And in between breaths there’s echoes of you. 

you know my walls

All these things I can’t control

So I’m knocking, knocking at your door 

Have you been waiting at the doorstep?

As I surrender my need to surrender?

The answer is in my questions oh Lord. 

You pursued me, because I wouldn’t have come on my own. 

I’m praying for your fame, your glory, your honor. You know my path, my leaving and coming. 

Press through my walls, hold my hand. 

Let your holy wind push down and lift me up.

Season’s Conflict

I can hear acceleration whirring churning

Under the deep unmoving slumber 

Do not be caught without a thought

When all the green breaks through 

Excitement comes like a gift

When the frozen winds no longer sift 

Through the branches sleeping, hanging

Burdened by the sinuous ice.

Strong and slowly, roots will wake

Up and up, with urgency to break

Open wide the grand surprise, 

Spring is coming to winter’s demise 

Garden

I have visions in my head today 

Visions of gardens today

Dipping toes in the water and all kinds 

of flowers today

Something my heart I protected yesterday 

Something I couldn’t let sway and yet

It flowers away. 

What if it was just me 

and no one else could really see 

These visions of what I think may be 

my destiny 

I have visions of colors today, 

The petals between my toes today 

There’s no explanation for the ecstasy 

I laugh with the breezes 

Between my fingers it squeezes 

If you could feel it you’d hold it like me

I guess my job is to help you see 

Vibrations cause me to travel 

So the picture will unravel

Piece it back together for you and me

And then we’ll hang it in a tree 

When I fall asleep

If I die before I wake

 I pray the lord my soul to take

But if I live to see more days

 I pray I use that time to praise 

The sun comes up but once a day

  Just enough time to live and pray

The darkness follows ever near

  Pursuing us with its healthy fear

So now I lay me down to sleep

  I know the Lord, my soul will keep

And when I'm took to light divine

  Together live, in a love sublime 

Weatherman

If you love my flowers,

   would you love my rain? 

Every time the thunder comes 

  Will you see me the same? 

If I become a cloud 

   would you watch me all day? 

Gaze at me at night 

    When I chase that milkyway? 

Nevertheless I’ll always come back

    You’ll meet me in the air

Open up my dusty heart

   And make snowflakes everywhere

 Snowflakes become a river 

   And then becomes the sea

I find my self reflecting

     the One becoming We

When you sense the forecast

   I pray that you’ll see love 

And not worry too much

    Of what’s going on above 

My seasons and my tides 

   They are where I reside 

But there is gold in the dew... 

   if you couldn’t tell already, 

     the morning makes it new.

it is a small door

a world of rigid walls,
and thank yous and pleases
something in me writhes and squeezes
please, let me out of the gray

why wont i let me out to play,
in my world far far away.
Theres something inside wishing to leave,
the overflow of something i received

a time ago, or was i child?
of trees and books and forests and wilds
the colors, sights, and all the bright lights...
no walls in my world, no room for the night

so let the colors flow and my captors know
ive seen something better than these cold white snows

the eight and the dancers,
the horse and the masters
keep my body from rot and decay
and my spirit alive another day

Grandma

Loss is a tragedy that replays every time we remember,
but memories are all we have left to embrace.
There’s no patch for the loss of someone who’s always been there,
someone to remind us that life is a gift not a race.

Death is a strange thing... the fading of a light. It takes so much Faith. I struggle to trust what I believe to be true, that what lies on the other side is there. This is my personal fight, but because I refuse to not choose, I choose to believe.

Grandmas death will affect me in many ways, it already has. She was ripped from us, a gaping ugly hole is left where she once was the hub of our happiness as a family. I believe this was an attack from the devil  of who's power will be stripped away as we grow even stronger in our faith because of it. And im angry. not at God, but at the boldness of the devil that he thinks he can take us down. I want to focus on the joy of the people around me more, make tea in the morning instead of rushing, read my bible more than facebook, take time for family over work...

I want more of gramma style love.

It makes me cry while I write to think of how far she is from us, heaven is truly higher than earth. But God is the good that redeems. He doesn't always prevent but he restores. And she has truly been restored.

<3

Wait like Tango

In argentine tango, we woman wait. It is a male dominant dance. Traditionally the men are trained solo and the woman depend solely on the lead to create the dance when they come together. It's beautiful and terrible at the same for the woman who tends  to anticipate and feel that she  needs to work harder to succeed in the dance than she actually does. Oh what a relief when she learns to let go and follow. Oh what a joy when the man will direct her movements  with confidence.

This is beauty. The two are a tramendous machine.

Candles remind me of you. 

Stars burning brightly do too.

The soft of the night,

Consistent light,

they surprise me, remind me of you.

Lessons are offered for Tango,

I think that maybe you'll go. 

But an aphrodisiac 

Always brings me back

To lovely Avocados and Mango. 

Words also remind me of you.

Turns out what you said was true. 

That running so fast,

Won't make it last, 

The silence, it gives me a clue. 

i felt your arms

It was something strong 

Stronger than my worries

You pulled me down the the wet lawn

And I didn't care,

You were so much there. 

I felt your love

While you didn't let go

In the dark

While I struggled to get up

So warm and full 

More love than I was showing myself

Hovering still so strong

I let go the the damage 

Melted

Felt something 

You were so there

And you weren't leaving. 

Sing

Something new is here, 

drawing us apart.

I know that I can't sing,

But this is on my heart...

It's hard to stand up straight today. 

When I leave it's because I want you. 

If I could give my self to you, 

Would you never leave me too? 

I had a dream you left,

Left me standing there...

Because I was not worth 

Your thought, your love, your care... 

I cannot say I'm good, 

And if you leave that's fine,

Find your heart somewhere 

And I'll try to find mine.

It's hard to stand up straight today. 

When I leave it's because I want you. 

If I could give my self to you, 

Would you never leave me too? 

If we never see each other through, 

Maybe this path we follows ends,

Remember me in passing time,

Even if only as friends. 

My life is made of walls and waves. Colored by the lights of sky and caves. 

Reflections of the future and visions of the past, 

it's always been the little things in life that last. 

-

  My heart has made a conclusion,

About the utterance of your illusion. 

The spin of a glove, a roll of the sleeve, 

and all of my suspicion was granted seclusion.

  Lovely you were in word and rhyme,

pleasant, and all of your lies sublime. 

  But there was another story they all told me, 

lacking in luster and any kind of glory... 

  They saw what you were and I ignored the warning. 

Passed by the signs and enjoyed the warming. 

  Like a two sided joker, I was played the fool...

 And I only stayed to test the rules. 

  Rules I found were meant to be broken, 

the trick of the light with plastic words spoken. 

The cooler it became, it just wasn't the same. 

  When the spell is past, the magician will say, 

the fool only has herself to blame