Pain.

Why do I rather stay up and fight, when I know a dose of prayer and sleep will do me better.

You wonder why I stay professional all the time? Because either I control my emotions, or my emotions control me. Do you get that? Do you understand the danger and potential for harm that lies beneath the surface? This one day a month, it writhes and makes waves and wrecks havoc on my life. For one day, I cannot hardly keep control. Why would I let go if the paths of damage behind me has taught me to hold on...

Suppressing emotions has no positive results. Persuasion is only slightly better but replacement of those emotions with something Holy is the only true lasting remedy. Daily surrender and redemption is the one way to freedom...

But tonight, I will wrestle. I've been here before... i rather like the pain. I will fight until I have no strength left, clinging to the argument in a ridiculous manner... finally, in exhaustion I will let God have it... and then, then I will fall asleep.