Friday, June 29, 2012
A Grand Idea.
God is soo GOOD! I have a Grand Idea... and it's not me thats writing it. I'm feeling this out, but I think that perhaps... this is God speaking to my heart. Perhaps this, is where all the talents God's given me will pour into one Grand Idea! Please pray for wisdom for me...
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Not gonna make it, etc...
God, I feel like your David... with diarrhea of the mouth. Praising you one moment, and crushed in defeat the next. (Perhaps i'm out of iron and just needs to eat some red meat. Supposedly this can help personality problems.)
So, what do I wear when i'm perplexed? I wear red tanks with camo pants obviously and thats precisely what I have on. God's thrown a few curveballs my way and I know it's to teach me something... but going through the process of seemingly climbing an unknown number of steps in the pitch black is becoming tiring. Wondering if the last step is here... or there... how much longer I have to go. Would you like to know why I am going stir crazy? Issue one: I am currently handicapped. Tendonitis is it's name and therefore I cannot paint, I cannot ride, I cannot do anything that involves my right hand. Issue the second: I don't know how to be more or less than myself. And I feel the need to be more polite and less blunt than I usually am. This is either a really good or really bad thing. I need God in this area... he's working on me. Issue the third: I cannot seem to go to bed on time. Personal limit: 11:30pm. Current time? 12:30!?
Well, the first issue has been found: What does a workaholic do when the shopping is done and everything at home is in place and the hand is out-of-order? Answer: RUN!! I'm a runner now, if run/walking a mile counts.
Issue the third is about to be remedied.
So, what do I wear when i'm perplexed? I wear red tanks with camo pants obviously and thats precisely what I have on. God's thrown a few curveballs my way and I know it's to teach me something... but going through the process of seemingly climbing an unknown number of steps in the pitch black is becoming tiring. Wondering if the last step is here... or there... how much longer I have to go. Would you like to know why I am going stir crazy? Issue one: I am currently handicapped. Tendonitis is it's name and therefore I cannot paint, I cannot ride, I cannot do anything that involves my right hand. Issue the second: I don't know how to be more or less than myself. And I feel the need to be more polite and less blunt than I usually am. This is either a really good or really bad thing. I need God in this area... he's working on me. Issue the third: I cannot seem to go to bed on time. Personal limit: 11:30pm. Current time? 12:30!?
Well, the first issue has been found: What does a workaholic do when the shopping is done and everything at home is in place and the hand is out-of-order? Answer: RUN!! I'm a runner now, if run/walking a mile counts.
Issue the third is about to be remedied.
Good Afternoon
MAN i've been depressing lately! RE-diculous!!
"The secret in riding is to do few things right. The more one does, the less one succeeds. The less one does, the more one succeeds" (N.Oliveira) Hm, does this ring true in life? I believe it does... less is more!
"The secret in riding is to do few things right. The more one does, the less one succeeds. The less one does, the more one succeeds" (N.Oliveira) Hm, does this ring true in life? I believe it does... less is more!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Indeed.
"A man who is not after God's heart, should not be after mine."
I've always liked this and i've held on to it. But something came to my attention today:
Am I still striving for God's approval?
I thought I was after God's heart... do people, particularly men, see me and wonder wether I follow Christ or not? This thought hit me today, struck a cord of fear.
I've always liked this and i've held on to it. But something came to my attention today:
Am I still striving for God's approval?
I thought I was after God's heart... do people, particularly men, see me and wonder wether I follow Christ or not? This thought hit me today, struck a cord of fear.
I struggle.
To put it bluntly.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
God help me, i'm impossible.
God help me in the peace, that I might not be too content and stop serving you.
God help me in the sorrow, when fears overwhelm and threaten my loyalty to you.
God help me in my doubt, when I wonder why I am this way.
Fear of my own personality has gripped me. I have to open up, yet I can't. I always open up, yet I shouldn't. I'm angered by my fear and afraid of my anger. I've always been proud of being in control, but how can I control my pride?
How can I control this? I can't. I love God with all my heart or at least i'm trying my best. I'm so filled with self doubt right now. I need to rest in God's love again.
God help me in the sorrow, when fears overwhelm and threaten my loyalty to you.
God help me in my doubt, when I wonder why I am this way.
Fear of my own personality has gripped me. I have to open up, yet I can't. I always open up, yet I shouldn't. I'm angered by my fear and afraid of my anger. I've always been proud of being in control, but how can I control my pride?
How can I control this? I can't. I love God with all my heart or at least i'm trying my best. I'm so filled with self doubt right now. I need to rest in God's love again.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Musings.
Father forgive me, for I know not what I do.
Your child,
Jenn.
I don't know what i'm doing. My mind is a net in the wind, catching all sorts of ideas and thoughts... i take them each and study them. Analyzing wether they are worth keeping and then where I should keep them at. Perhaps they belong on the back burner, perhaps at the front door. My doings are always in a fluctuating balance of positive and negative, concerning my intake of my environment and how I chose to react to it.
I can't, or at least shouldn't, allow myself to critique the church. I can, or at least should try to, implore the church to become re-spirited. And I, being the least of these, cannot hardly do so without being convicted of my own idleness. Therefore I do nothing. But Love does things, so on I go...
So often being in a church building bothers me. So much money for projectors and salaries, such expensive furnishings! Negative. But what can I say? I am not a pastor or even substantially educated in the aspects of religious and biblical knowledge. If I can be in charge of one thing, it is the way I live my life and how I will allow myself to react to situations. A little less Negative. In fact, I will choose to see what IS working in the church knowing that complaining will only create offensive reactions. A person's heart needs to be reunited with Christ, only then can the Spirit direct their decisions. So I come to my main point: I can only implore that we, as individuals in the church would walk closer in our relationship with God.
Cause -> Effect = Salvation -> Good works. As the effect cannot create or come before the cause, so good works cannot give birth to salvation.
---
Are you ready for more? Because I've been having thought hurricanes all week this week.
1) What is truth? Look past the advertisements.
Use your head and let your heart follow... emotions are aimless and most often cannot be trusted, so keep a balance. Radio and TV Commercials exploit the emotions so always question their motives. Morals and Christian Living is currently not in style, so watch yourself and be careful what you let into your mind and heart.
2) Don't read the bible for info, read it for application.
I heard a good point today at church: "Make the gospel a life study. So often we listen to ourselves instead of speaking to ourselves. We need to see how we are acting from the outside."
3) Complaining too often turns into gossip.
Complaining is fun, true and can help relieve stress in a bad situation. But there's a fine line between distressing about something and gossip. You have no right to complain if you are not doing anything to help the situation you are complaining about, communication is essential... and idle talk damages relationships.
4) "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Mahatma Ghandi
Ghandi is very observant and correct. This is very true. And his conclusion is the point... we are all, hopelessly sinful, mistake ridden people. We desperately need a perfect Christ to lead us and to save us. Life is a constant renewal so lets strive to be like Christ.. but accept that only He is perfect.
5) Correction is not rejection, it is direction.
Hm, yeah. I'm finding it is always better to see situations from the involved individuals perspective and to ask, "Are they right?" Defuse critical conversations by controlling your own reactions.
6) Watch that you don't idolize Success and Business, remember that money is a tool. People are the treasure.
People, living flesh and blood and soul are the ones who feel and need nurturing. People rarely remember what you say or do... they will more often remember how you made them feel.
2 Peter 1:5-7 " For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_6JQDsbtlM
Your child,
Jenn.
I don't know what i'm doing. My mind is a net in the wind, catching all sorts of ideas and thoughts... i take them each and study them. Analyzing wether they are worth keeping and then where I should keep them at. Perhaps they belong on the back burner, perhaps at the front door. My doings are always in a fluctuating balance of positive and negative, concerning my intake of my environment and how I chose to react to it.
I can't, or at least shouldn't, allow myself to critique the church. I can, or at least should try to, implore the church to become re-spirited. And I, being the least of these, cannot hardly do so without being convicted of my own idleness. Therefore I do nothing. But Love does things, so on I go...
So often being in a church building bothers me. So much money for projectors and salaries, such expensive furnishings! Negative. But what can I say? I am not a pastor or even substantially educated in the aspects of religious and biblical knowledge. If I can be in charge of one thing, it is the way I live my life and how I will allow myself to react to situations. A little less Negative. In fact, I will choose to see what IS working in the church knowing that complaining will only create offensive reactions. A person's heart needs to be reunited with Christ, only then can the Spirit direct their decisions. So I come to my main point: I can only implore that we, as individuals in the church would walk closer in our relationship with God.
Cause -> Effect = Salvation -> Good works. As the effect cannot create or come before the cause, so good works cannot give birth to salvation.
---
Are you ready for more? Because I've been having thought hurricanes all week this week.
1) What is truth? Look past the advertisements.
Use your head and let your heart follow... emotions are aimless and most often cannot be trusted, so keep a balance. Radio and TV Commercials exploit the emotions so always question their motives. Morals and Christian Living is currently not in style, so watch yourself and be careful what you let into your mind and heart.
2) Don't read the bible for info, read it for application.
I heard a good point today at church: "Make the gospel a life study. So often we listen to ourselves instead of speaking to ourselves. We need to see how we are acting from the outside."
3) Complaining too often turns into gossip.
Complaining is fun, true and can help relieve stress in a bad situation. But there's a fine line between distressing about something and gossip. You have no right to complain if you are not doing anything to help the situation you are complaining about, communication is essential... and idle talk damages relationships.
4) "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Mahatma Ghandi
Ghandi is very observant and correct. This is very true. And his conclusion is the point... we are all, hopelessly sinful, mistake ridden people. We desperately need a perfect Christ to lead us and to save us. Life is a constant renewal so lets strive to be like Christ.. but accept that only He is perfect.
5) Correction is not rejection, it is direction.
Hm, yeah. I'm finding it is always better to see situations from the involved individuals perspective and to ask, "Are they right?" Defuse critical conversations by controlling your own reactions.
6) Watch that you don't idolize Success and Business, remember that money is a tool. People are the treasure.
People, living flesh and blood and soul are the ones who feel and need nurturing. People rarely remember what you say or do... they will more often remember how you made them feel.
2 Peter 1:5-7 " For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_6JQDsbtlM
Thursday, June 14, 2012
What I used to be.
This verse often is used in a romantic sense:
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Prov 4:23
However, if we read it in context it refers to the aspect of using wisdom in our lives... keeping corruption out and watching the company we keep. It is frustrating when I hear this verse used out of context but I understand where the mistake is made. This is not a dating verse but I believe it has to do with the problem of the world's values polluting our hearts and becoming competition for God's love and his laws. Often it is thought that this verse is saying that when we consider another for marriage we should guard our hearts from becoming attached too easily. I don't think thats that topic here, although because we know God's character we understand that it can be applied in the same manner. I guess i'm just making a point that doesn't really have to be made.
I used to be very very guarded. Some people are not this way, we all have our individual struggles... but for myself, I needed to learn to open up. The way I 'guard' my heart in a relational way is different than how I used to. And my relationships with everyone; my family, friends and 'potentials' have flourished.
Above all, pursue wisdom. The fear (respect) of God is the beginning of wisdom. What a great place to to start!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
VIDEO BLOGGLES!
Hello Friends, Family and all others of the Curious Public who've stopped by to see whats up on this page! I will be posting occasional video blogs updating on my thoughts and projects. Here's the first!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SECMpYPqprA&feature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SECMpYPqprA&feature=youtu.be
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Why so serious?
Yeah, I take things a little serious. But hey, the funny moments are just all that much better right?
I need to remember this day. An awakening. A passion afire. The arts festival was downtown and I heard a song bout the rising tide. It's an illustration of Grace, sometimes it rises to consume us. It takes awhile to sink in.
I'll be, wading in the water/
wading in the water/
wading in the water./
The rising tide. A pulsating rhythm. Like a beat in the dark, growing, echoing, rising in volume... until the whole world hears and the dawn is ushered in. It's great and all that I like to paint and ride horses, thats all I can do I feel like sometimes. But I want a new dream, God's dream for me. I"m giving it over, letting the Lord settle in... redecorating and repurposing my life. I want to be made new... again.
I need to remember this day. An awakening. A passion afire. The arts festival was downtown and I heard a song bout the rising tide. It's an illustration of Grace, sometimes it rises to consume us. It takes awhile to sink in.
I'll be, wading in the water/
wading in the water/
wading in the water./
The rising tide. A pulsating rhythm. Like a beat in the dark, growing, echoing, rising in volume... until the whole world hears and the dawn is ushered in. It's great and all that I like to paint and ride horses, thats all I can do I feel like sometimes. But I want a new dream, God's dream for me. I"m giving it over, letting the Lord settle in... redecorating and repurposing my life. I want to be made new... again.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Afterglow
This is truly the afterglow... I do not remember the moment I was saved and I have many questions still. But I know this, that every person has a hunger for truth, we are all blind. And through the mire, I see a clear light still when I direct my gaze on Christ again. It's the same feeling of embracing a loved one that I have spent a great deal of time apart from. Although my knowledge increases, my experiences expand, for the good or to perhaps to regretful results ... the Love, Christ's pursuit of me, increases even more. Life is a pattern of constant renewal, God's Word is a good guide and the call to be prepared resonates and echoes in my heart.
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